Bizarre Adventures #32 - Marvel

Another item sent to me by my pal Craig Wichman, this reminded me that so far I have completely ignored Marvel's Bizarre Adventures!

That was not intentional--it's just that I never bought BA when I was a kid, and its entire existence had slipped my mind all this time while working on this blog. When Craig emailed me to ask whether he should send this, I practically did a Homer-esque "D'oh!".

The theme of this issue is "Gods", and as you can see from the striking Joe Jusko cover, Thor is our first story. I've always thought Thor had potential to headline a whole separate book of more adult adventures, like how Conan did. What with all the swordplay, viking derring-do, drinking, and wenching, Thor could've headlined Savage Hammer of Thor or something. Since Marvel was excellent at making a buck where they could, I assume The Mighty Thor as a color comic never sold that well. If it had, I'm sure we would've seen more of his solo adventures.

Anyway, the story is called "Sea of Destiny", by Alan Zelenetz with an exquisite art job by John Bolton, before he became U.N. Ambassador under Bush(who knew?). Thor hears the cry of a viking lost at sea, but he is told by his father Odin and the three Norns that Fate has determined he will die, and Thor should not try to get in the way of that. Thor isn't about to follow that, so he goes to try, and takes on the elements:
...wow. Bolton was kicking ass with this story.

He also take on a giant sea serpent and after a pitched battle teaches it whose boss. Sadly, during the battle, the lost viking Runolf drowned, and Thor leaves defeated.

As if Thor didn't feel bad enough, Odin chastises him for not heeding the words of the Norns and tells him "Each year at this time you shalt withdraw unto those very norns whose powers thou didst doubt."

A heck of a melancholy ending, but Thor is incredibly cool and imposing in this story, and like I said, I could've read a whole b/w Thor magazine of stuff like this.

Next is "Demon's Brigade" by Larry Hama, about a young "blade" who runs into what could be a god, though it at first he doesn't seem all that impressive. It's a funny tale, in a style familiar to anyone who has read any Lone Wolf & Cub. It's funny to think of all the attention Frank Miller got for bringing this look and feel into American comics with Ronin, yet here it is over a year before that.

Third is a "funny animals" strip titled "What Fools These Gods Shall Be!" by future Marvel EIC Tom DeFalco and Steve Smallwood. Three guys somehow find themselves with the ability to influence a TV production of the story of Icarus. The people inside the TV think the beings watching them are gods, and some of them react better than others. It has kind of a creepy ending, which is hard to do when you characters are a talking donkey, a talking buzzard, and a talking pig.

Next is a two-page feature that could've come right from Mad or Cracked(or even Crazy!), called "Gods for the Eighties", like Bromo, Walkman, Paranoia, and Jiggle. Thank god(no pun intended) things are so different now!

Ann Nocenti and Greg LaRoque contribute "The Streak", about a regular schlub blessed by Mercury with unending good luck. He of course uses that to gamble, but as you can expect it's a case of be careful what you ask for. It's an ok story, but it coulda run in The House of Mystery or something, nothing you'd expect from the more adult-oriented Bizarre Adventures.

Next is "The Prophet" by Mark Gruenwald and Val Mayerik, about one wise, lonely man who believed salvation was coming. Turns out he was right!

A big change of tone is next with "G-d!" by Al Milgrom, about the Almighty coming down to Earth(Manhattan specifically) and his attempts to understand what the heck is going on with us mortals. He ends up playing video games and getting his pocket picked. It's that kind of story--silly, goofy, light as air.

Last is "Bucky Bizarre" by our pal Steve Skeates and Smallwood, about a time-traveling, smart-mouthed so-and-so. Like the previous story, cute and you forget it the minute you turn the page. But that's ok--what with the heavy Thor and "Prophet" stories, this goofy stuff is a nice counter-balance.

My first reaction after reading my first BA is how all over the place it is--some real serious stuff, some goofy stuff, even talking animals! It felt a little schizophrenic.

But then I thought about some of my reviews on this very blog on Warren magazines, where I complain that a lot of the stories and art feel the same, repetitive. So I guess I can't be pleased--when it's coherent, I say it's too similar. When it's varied, I say it's all over the place. Geez, comic fans are friggin' difficult to please!

Anyway, I did enjoy this issue, and I thank Craig(again!) for re-introducing me to Bizarre Adventures. The ad for the next issue promises "An all-new collection of stories from The Tomb of Dracula, Tales of the Zombie, Haunt of Horror, and Vault of Evil." Hellllo, ebay!