The Horror of Party Beach - Warren

This was one of two attempts Warren made at what they called "A New Kind of Magazine"--a photographic comic book version of a horror film.

At the time, of course, magazines like this made total sense--there was no home video, so if you missed a film in the theatre and it didn't play on TV, you were mostly out of luck. So this was your best shot at seeing a particular movie.

My main question though, is--why, in God's name, did they pick The Horror of Party Beach? The other film they tried, The Mole People, was hardly a classic, but next to this it looks like Citizen Kane.

HOPB's plot, such as it is, concerns some radioactive waste that is dumped into the ocean. It mixes with some fish and the remains of a human at the bottom of the sea, forming...well, you'll see.

But you can't base a whole film on the monster, so then we get lots of scenes featuring actors partying on the the beach! The main two characters are Hank and Tina--Hank is angry at Tina's drinking, and her low-down partying ways. Tina dumps that square, and heads off to party and twist to the tunes of the Del-Aires!

While Tina is shimmying, she's noticed by a gang of motorcycle "toughs", and she in turn notices one of them...

There are other panels I could've run here, but I thought this one in particular could be taken out of its context and used for almost any purpose. So, bloggers, right-click to your heart's desire!

Anyway, as Tina makes time with the biker guy, Hank, sad and lonely, is noticed by Elaine, where she makes a play for him.

Unfortunately, Hank sees that Tina is getting down with the biker guy, and challenges him to a fight. The biker gang gangs up on Hank, and beats him up, "Bully of the Beach" style. Meanwhile, Tina wanders off to go sunbathing(!)

It's here where the makers of The Horror of Party Beach planned their big reveal. If there's any scene you've ever seen from this film, in some compliation movie(like It Came From Hollywood) or some horror movie retrospective, this is the one they show:

Tina is sunbathing on a rock, caring only about herself, when, unexpectedly, a mysterious shadow appears just under the surface of the water. A shape begins to form, and finally we see the horrible, nightmarish creature created from man's carelessness and destructiveness:

...and that pretty much ends any interest you'd ever have in The Horror of Party Beach. The "horror", as it were, is a relatively life-sized, immobile creature suit, eyes locked in permanent surprise. Did I oversell it?

Anyway, the creature attacks Tina, shreds her(in a surprisingly bloody scene) and carries her off. The beach-goers hear this, and panic ensues. The newspaper runs an even-more panic-inducing "Sea Monster Kills Girl!" headline(damn NewsCorp!), Hank consults a scientist(who happens to be Elaine's Dad), the monster attacks a slumber party, killing many of the girls.

The Del-Aires sing another song(not because of that), and the monster then attacks some mannequins in a department store window. This guy ain't exactly the Creature From the Black Lagoon.

In doing so, the broken glass cuts off part of his hand, which the authorities study and figure out a chemical that can kill them(turns out there are now two monsters!).

Elaine, trying to help out, goes out looking for radioactive traces of the creature. She gets her foot stuck inbetween some rocks, which draws the monsters out. Hank, the cops, and Dr.Gavin arrive just in time, with the chemical solution they've prepared.

So as they spray the monsters with the solvent, there's time for one last funny-out-of-context panel:

Did Morton's Salt pony up some money for this movie?

Anyway, the creatures are destroyed, Party Beach is safe again for biker gangs and indiscriminate teenage sex, and Hank and Elaine profess their love for one another. The End.

"Story Adaptation and Art Direction" is credited to Wally Wood and Russ Jones, in a textbook case of an incredible amount of talent being focused on an incredibly unworthy subject.

Two fun facts about this adaptation:

1)Wood and Jones(who painted the cover) retouched the photos of the monster to make it look like he had savage fangs in his mouth, not the hot dog-looking things in the original film.

2)Woody himself appears in the film, sort of, as TV newscaster:

The two sequences featuring a TV newscast were put together especially for this magazine, with Woody himself playing the part!

This book was published under the umbrella title of Famous Films and released late 1964, to be followed by The Mole People early 1965. I guess sales weren't too good, since Famous Films as a magazine was never seen again.


If, for some reason, you actually want to learn more about this book and/or film, I recommend Scott Shaw!'s Oddball Comics piece on it here or a wonderfully, superflously in-depth analysis of the movie here. And may God have mercy on your soul.

Update: I really should've included this in my intial review--a shot of the monster as it actually appears in the film, Hebrew Nationals-and-all. As you can see, it is the total opposite of horrifying.

Movie Magazines Ad - Warren

Each of these movies had such different fates. Meteor is pretty much forgotten, Alien is a classic, Moonraker is seen as a weird, trendy hiccup in the Bond franchise, and while I'm no expert I'm guessing the Bakshi version of Lord of the Rings is a lot less popular now post-Peter Jackson.

I'd love to know how well each of these sold. Mr.Warren, if you ever visit this blog, just know I'd love to interview you!

Meteor Official Movie Magazine - Warren

Proving that Warren left no sci-fi film rock unturned, comes this Official Magazine all about the all-star blockbuster film Meteor!

I remember my Dad taking my sister and I to see Meteor, and other than some vague memories of scenes in NASA or something, I don't recall a single thing that happened in it. Obviously, though, it was a big deal at the time, judging by the big-time movie stars in it and all the attendant publicity.

First up is a brief rundown of the cast: Sean Connery, Natalie Wood, Martin Landau, Henry Fonda(!), Brian Keith, Joseph Campanella, Trevor Howard, and Karl Malden.

Next is a series of exclusive cast interviews starting with this exciting blurb:
Nothing against Joseph Campanella, a fine journeyman actor who has been in the business for over fifty years, but I just find it funny Warren added the !, as if this was the most exciting thing ever. Warren Publications never did anything small.

Next is an interview with Martin Landau, and then "Meteor: The Story", which is a basic rundown of the plot, including a six-page color insert complete with pull-out centerfold! How many kids must have ruined there copies for all time by pulling this out and pinning it up on their wall? (The answer is None, actually)

Then director Ronald Neame (The Odessa File, The Poseidon Adventure) is interviewed, followed by two pages of "Meteor Trivia." Oooh, exciting!

Next is an article on the movie's special effects, and then an interview with Natalie Wood, which ends with this less-than-enthused note:

Er, sorry we asked, Ms. Wood!

After that is two fact pages about meteors, and then it all ends with what you can only take as tragedy + time = comedy:

...Meteor merchandise!

Lo, the poor merchandisers, in their Mego-esque hope that this film would be the newest sci-fi blockbuster that spawned a generation of kids to want Meteor posters, t-shirts, and iron-ons, and maybe even--dream of dreams--action figures. And lo the poor kid who showed up to school wearing a Meteor t-shirt, when all the other kids had Star Wars and Close Encounters stuff. I can picture it now, the guidance counselor taking one look at your Meteor t-shirt and jotting down "not college material."

The research I did on the movie tells me that my Dad, my sister, and I were apparently among the few people that actually saw the movie--it was universally panned by critics and cost the studio millions. And with it, the hopes and dreams of merchandisers the world over.

Well, Warren gave it a good try, and we can at least be sure that no other comic book publisher would be foolish enough to get anywhere near this turkey...

Movie Aliens Illustrated - Warren

I love these Warren one-shots!

This is from 1979, and contains articles on all kinds of sci-fi films, and it opens with a long piece on the brand-new film Alien, and then moves onto an almost scene-by-scene breakdown of Journey To Planet 7(never seen that one!).

Next is a piece on Night of the Blood Beast(memorably ribbed on Mystery Science Theatre 3000--the movie seems to feature several similar-looking men, all with the same name), and then The Green Slime.

"The Movies Look At Other Worlds and Other Aliens" takes a quick trip through some of the movies' more memorable outer space creatures, like the Metaluna Mutant(This Island Earth), the Giant Ymir(20 Million Miles to Earth), The Creeping Unknown, and The Beast With 1,000,000 Eyes(turned out to be a few less than that).

Next is a long piece on Dr.Who, featuring a still that reminds me why I never got into the show:

...yep, that's it.

Last is an article on Invasion of The Saucermen, and it all wraps up with an unusually long Captain Company section. Close Encounters, Star Wars, Battelstar Galactica, Superman, Buck Rogers, Don Post masks, Warren back issues, and more!

Another fun Warren one-shot, though it was a bit of a cheat to put Darth Vader on your cover and not have anything on Star Wars.

I'm just saying.

On The Scene Presents Superheroes - Warren

I have my pal(and BWFF--Black and White Friend Forever)Craig Wichman to thank for this, since it was he who pointed out the ebay auction where this was being sold.

I tried to resist for a day or two, but finally the bright colors and cool cover stills convinced me to buy it--essentially the same process that I'm sure happened many times in 1966, only for a lot less money.

This was one of Warren's many one-shots to quickly capitalize on a hot trend, and by this time there were enough live-action superhero films and TV shows around to fill a magazine.

It opens with an article on the Batman movie serials(and uses some comic art, too--not sure how they got away with that, exactly), and then moves onto The Phantom, Flash Gordon, and Superman movie serials.

Then its time for a piece on the Captain America movie serial, featuring America's Hero in a very un-Cap-like pose:
...the Winter Solider, circa 1943.

Next is The Adventures of Captain Marvel serial, which I think most people agree is probably the best of the lot--I saw it about a decade ago and I remember it being a lot of fun and moved a nice clip. Tom Tyler made a great Cap.

The last piece was, I'm betting, the main selling point of the magazine--an "exclusive" piece on the new Batman movie, starring, for life, Adam West and Burt Ward. There's also some nice stills of the four villains; Joker, Penguin, Riddler, and Catwoman.

This is an extraordinairily fun product; its really cool seeing all this stuff together. Nowdays when there are two or three comic book movies per summer, it doesn't seem like a big deal, but even I remember a time when comic-book movie projects were so rare you savored them, no matter how goofy(the Batman serials) or just plain wrong(see Cap gunning someone down, above) they were.

The True Fantastic Story of Tiny Tim - Corncob Ltd...aka Warren!

Ok..."never say never" and all that, but I think I can safely say I will never again feature a magazine as strange as this one.

This is a 1968 one-shot, no ads, completely devoted to novelty singer and all around bon vivant Tiny Tim, produced by Warren Publishing, no less! (Oh, excuse me..."Corncob Ltd.")

There is absolutely no comic(or even genre) content in this magazine, similar to some of Warren's other, um, experiments in publishing, like After Hours and Freak Out, U.S.A. But it's simply too weird an item not to include here.

I've been wanting to buy a copy for a long time, and apparently I'm not the only one, since they generally went for around $40.00! But luckily I found one sale for a lot less, in an auction ending less than an hour from when I happened to come across it--it was fate! Twelve bucks later, it was mine.

The magazine features all kinds of articles and photos on Tiny, like "Tiny's Own Personal Story", "How It All Got Started", and "The Stage Names Tiny Used Before Becoming Tiny Tim":

(This photo also works as a still from The Cabinet of Dr.Caligari)

...ok, before we go any further, I want to make something clear: this post will feature lots of jokes at Tiny's expense, some about his appearance, some just about how someone this odd could've ever become a "teen idol".

Now, we're all God's creatures, and who am I to make fun of someone's physical appearance? I mean, I know I look like George Clooney, but we all can't be so lucky. But I'm comfortable with this approach for a couple of reasons:

1)I remember seeing Tiny on TV as a kid, and even then I got the sense he was sort of in on the joke--people were laughing at him, and he knew it
2)You--or at least your management/agents--have to know that you need to control how you're photographed sometimes. Tiny's physical appearance did not lend itself to stark black-and-white photos, where he's wild-eyed and jumping out of the inky darkness like a serial killer, and that's all this magazine is

Ok, now that we have the ground rules laid out, let's proceed:

We also have articles like "Just Why Do People Love Tiny?", "Is Tiny For Real?", "Tiny Tim Talks To You", where he lays this little bit of nightmare fuel on you:

Good to know!

But we're not done yet! We get a list of things "Tiny Tim Loves..."(they include Rudy Vallee, walking on green grass, pets, sincerity, and big shopping bags), an article about Tiny's love of baseball, and then stuff Tiny hates! Nothing can you prepare you for this:

Aaaahhhh!!!

After this, you put the magazine down, have a cool beverage, and maybe take a nap. When you're ready to get back to it, Tiny is waiting for you with a poster of himself, an article called "The Tiny-Boppers--Some of the Chicks Who Dig Tiny!" These groovy chicks include Joni Mitchell, Sally Field, Mary Travers, Cass Elliot, Cher, and Faye Dunaway. Faye f**king Dunaway!

Next is "What's Next For Tiny?", "Tiny's Secret Wish", "Why He Had to Happen", and then "Tiny's Secret Love", where he talks about the woman of his dreams, who he knows is out there somewhere. Any idea who she might be, Tiny?:

...well, sure, that makes sen...wait a minute! Between fifteen and twenty-five? What?!? Just how old was Miss Vicki, anyway?

Ok...I'm feeling a bit unclean about all this, so let's wrap up: Tiny gives us an address so we can send away for a free autographed photo, "Tiny's Own Horoscope", and then a list of upcoming Tiny projects, like an album(God Bless Tiny Tim), a movie(You Are What You Eat, which Kubrick was going to do before he decided to go less weird and do A Clockwork Orange), and more network TV appearances.

Wow...that's a lot for fifty cents, wouldn't you agree? Now let's never speak of this again.

But before we go, let's hear from the man responsible for all this, Jim Warren, directly from TwoMorrows' The Warren Companion:

Sure we can, Jim! Tomorrow: Conan the Barbarian!

Galactic Wars Comix - Warren

No theme or purpose stated from posting this book--it was a case of reaching into the ol' b/w box and seeing what I pulled out.

This was another one of those one-shot Warren collections they did a lot of in the late seventies, which made total sense to do since they had so much good material in their back catalog, so why not pick the best and put it together?

The well-drawn but a little dull cover is by Patrick Woodroffe, and then the book opens with "Killer Hawk" by Bill DuBay and Wally Wood. A classic tale Mars vs. Earth tale, full of Wood spaceships, space suits, heroic men, and buxom women.

Next is a text article about Battlestar Galactica, called "All About Galactica", yet titled "Star Warriors, Alert! Battlestar Galactica Girds Its Loins!" Loins....? And this was pre-Tricia Helfer Galactica!

The next story is "Star-Slaughter", by Richard Margopoulos and Ramon Torrents, is a fanciful tale of a robot who has grown tired of being Humanity's plaything. Following that is "Star-Bright Lantern 909", by Gerry Boudreau and Jose Ortiz. It's the tale of a very lonely space lighthouse keeper. Very lonely. Ortiz drew some amazingly beautiful and nobile women, a fine example of which is in this story.

"The Time Eater!" by Jack Butterworth and Paul Neary is next, an interesting tale about the mystery that is time itself. Bruce Jones and Al Williamson do the honors on "Mothers Knows Best!", a funny take on what Christmas might be like in the future.

The final story is also by Jones and Williamson, "Now You See It...". One of Warren's best, it's the story of a couple trying out their new little toy which allows the user to enter whatever world they dream of. Holy holo-deck! This story gives Williamson to draw all kinds of fun stuff, like dinosaurs, futuristic landscapes, and comely women.

The sci-fi theme even extended into the Captain Company ad section, this time selling only science fiction stuff, like Star Wars bedsheets(I had those!), Shogun Warriors(I had those, too!), and lots of Close Encounters of The Third Kind tie-ins. Nice touch, Warren!

Strange Stories of Vampires - Warren

Another theme collection, courtesy of the Warren archives!

This is a pretty good selection of material--it leads of with the excellent "Curse of the Vampire" by Archie Goodwin and Neal Adams. Adams really pulled out all the stops on these Warren jobs--along with his trademark innovative layouts, he used different techniques like washes, directly-reproduced pencils, etc. It's a great story, well told.

Next is "A Flash of Lightning" by Gerry Boudreau and someone you wouldn't think of doing a vampire story, John Severin. The story is set in the Old West, so Severin still got to do his horses and cowboys, but with the creepy vampire element thrown in. Third is the semi-pretentiously titled "Like Icarus, Quickly Falling" by Roger McKenize and Leopold Sanchez, another story set in America's past.

McKenize has another story "A Game of Hide and Seek" (drawn by Leo Duranona) which is a full-bore gory horror story, full of blood-dripping bodies, giant swarms of rats, etc. Ew. Next is the EC-esque "Swamped" by Archie Goodwin and Angelo Torres, which combines the unlikely settings of vampires and the bayou. "Day of the Vampire 1992" (ah, the future!) by Bill DuBay and Gonzalo Mayo s unfortunately one of those stories (you know the kind) where a couple of pages in, you find yourself saying "um, what the hell is going on?"

After the usual Captain Company ad section, we get to the "Special Ad" promised on the front cover(!)--a chance to buy Genuine Soil from Dracula's Castle...for only a mere $17.95!* Who the hell would buy this, and just how much did they pay Jim Warren to get their ad mentioned on the front cover??

*limit 3 per customer

The Mole People - Warren

This was one of Warren Publications' oddest experiments--taking an old black and white horror or sci-fi movie, and using stills from it to tell the story in a sort of sequential-comic-book style. It's usually called "fumetti" but you won't see that word anywhere in this magazine.

Warren tried this a couple of different times, but since by the time of this publication--1964--the featured movie, The Mole People, was loooong gone from theaters, so I'm not sure how this was supposed to capitalize on anything.

After our two intepid explorers (John Agar and Hugh Beaumont(!)) find the lost land, run afoul of the Mole People, and then escape, the movie ends with Agar's love interest, Gizelle, getting crushed by a falling pillar (it's all so very sad). In the movie, while it does have that downer note, there is that 50s-ish at-least-we-learned-something uplift at the end, complete with music swell.

In the magazine, Gizelle gets crushed, Agar yells "No! No! Gizelle!" and then--bang!--THE END. Sheesh. And to think, I coulda spent my 35 cents on Creepy.

Empire Encounters Comix - Warren

One in a long series of Warren Publications' one-shots, I think you can guess by the title just what kind of audience Warren was trying to attract with this book.

Warren had such a deep reservoir of material from its past that it could put together these all-reprint theme books with ease, and that's exactly what this is: a book full of reprints, mostly from back issues of Eerie, all with an outer-space theme.

The reason I'm even mentioning this book because, let's face it, it's nothing special--is that I remember buying this at a newsstand in August 1980, back when my parents and I vacationed in the Poconos. This was one of my first introductions to non-DC, Marvel, or Archie comics, and something a little more adult (indeed! Bruce Jones' story "The Green" features multiple references--both textual and visual--of group sex(!)) and for years after I would try and recall just what this magazine was. I vaguely remembered the cover but not the title, and it wasn't until TwoMorrows' excellent Warren Companion book that I could track it down and then, of course, find it on ebay.

The stories I couldn't quite follow, the art that seemed so strange to me, the mouth-watering ads for other Warren titles plus lots of toys and games--as far as I knew, the then nine-year-old me thought this might be the greatest comic book of all time!