The True Fantastic Story of Tiny Tim - Corncob Ltd...aka Warren!

Ok..."never say never" and all that, but I think I can safely say I will never again feature a magazine as strange as this one.

This is a 1968 one-shot, no ads, completely devoted to novelty singer and all around bon vivant Tiny Tim, produced by Warren Publishing, no less! (Oh, excuse me..."Corncob Ltd.")

There is absolutely no comic(or even genre) content in this magazine, similar to some of Warren's other, um, experiments in publishing, like After Hours and Freak Out, U.S.A. But it's simply too weird an item not to include here.

I've been wanting to buy a copy for a long time, and apparently I'm not the only one, since they generally went for around $40.00! But luckily I found one sale for a lot less, in an auction ending less than an hour from when I happened to come across it--it was fate! Twelve bucks later, it was mine.

The magazine features all kinds of articles and photos on Tiny, like "Tiny's Own Personal Story", "How It All Got Started", and "The Stage Names Tiny Used Before Becoming Tiny Tim":

(This photo also works as a still from The Cabinet of Dr.Caligari)

...ok, before we go any further, I want to make something clear: this post will feature lots of jokes at Tiny's expense, some about his appearance, some just about how someone this odd could've ever become a "teen idol".

Now, we're all God's creatures, and who am I to make fun of someone's physical appearance? I mean, I know I look like George Clooney, but we all can't be so lucky. But I'm comfortable with this approach for a couple of reasons:

1)I remember seeing Tiny on TV as a kid, and even then I got the sense he was sort of in on the joke--people were laughing at him, and he knew it
2)You--or at least your management/agents--have to know that you need to control how you're photographed sometimes. Tiny's physical appearance did not lend itself to stark black-and-white photos, where he's wild-eyed and jumping out of the inky darkness like a serial killer, and that's all this magazine is

Ok, now that we have the ground rules laid out, let's proceed:

We also have articles like "Just Why Do People Love Tiny?", "Is Tiny For Real?", "Tiny Tim Talks To You", where he lays this little bit of nightmare fuel on you:

Good to know!

But we're not done yet! We get a list of things "Tiny Tim Loves..."(they include Rudy Vallee, walking on green grass, pets, sincerity, and big shopping bags), an article about Tiny's love of baseball, and then stuff Tiny hates! Nothing can you prepare you for this:

Aaaahhhh!!!

After this, you put the magazine down, have a cool beverage, and maybe take a nap. When you're ready to get back to it, Tiny is waiting for you with a poster of himself, an article called "The Tiny-Boppers--Some of the Chicks Who Dig Tiny!" These groovy chicks include Joni Mitchell, Sally Field, Mary Travers, Cass Elliot, Cher, and Faye Dunaway. Faye f**king Dunaway!

Next is "What's Next For Tiny?", "Tiny's Secret Wish", "Why He Had to Happen", and then "Tiny's Secret Love", where he talks about the woman of his dreams, who he knows is out there somewhere. Any idea who she might be, Tiny?:

...well, sure, that makes sen...wait a minute! Between fifteen and twenty-five? What?!? Just how old was Miss Vicki, anyway?

Ok...I'm feeling a bit unclean about all this, so let's wrap up: Tiny gives us an address so we can send away for a free autographed photo, "Tiny's Own Horoscope", and then a list of upcoming Tiny projects, like an album(God Bless Tiny Tim), a movie(You Are What You Eat, which Kubrick was going to do before he decided to go less weird and do A Clockwork Orange), and more network TV appearances.

Wow...that's a lot for fifty cents, wouldn't you agree? Now let's never speak of this again.

But before we go, let's hear from the man responsible for all this, Jim Warren, directly from TwoMorrows' The Warren Companion:

Sure we can, Jim! Tomorrow: Conan the Barbarian!